I lost my virginity at the age of twenty. After three years of what seems like failed sexual exploration, embracing my sexuality and sensuality is a concept I am just now discovering and I am discovering it alone.
Virgins are valued more than women who have had their share of practice within the realm of sex. At least, society wants us to believe just that. A woman has been taught to see the majority of her worth in how many partners she partakes in sexual adventures with. If a woman has had no sexual partners she is deemed worthy and pure. Women who have exited societal sexual roles are deemed unworthy, used goods, sluts and whores. As women, we have been conditioned to see ourselves and the women around us through a lens we had no say in creating. We either take pride in our purity while shunning the promiscuous woman or the promiscuous woman ridicules the virgin for her false pride. As a society, we have all bought the punch and drank it till the last drop. I sipped my punch with my pinky in the air.
At the age of seventeen and after entering my previous relationship, sex became a topic of discussion fairly quickly. I was in love and craved sex with the guy I had fallen for. Societal conditioning made me feel of more worth to him, because I was still holding on to a precious part of myself. I felt superior to the girls my age who were constantly talking about the boys they had done “it” with, while discussing all the details during bus rides home from school. Did they not know they had lost their worth? Did they not know men would never want to settle down with them after hearing the number of people they allowed into their temple? A man wants a virgin not a whore.
As I laid down with the man I loved, I thought he took pride in knowing he was and would forever be the only one to enter my sacred temple. I was his virgin and he possessed sole custody of my worth.
Boy, was I wrong.
Reality stabbed me like the sharpest knife in the kitchen. It was time to place down the punch.
Coming into my identity as a woman has shown me that worth is not based on the opinions of sleeping sheep of society. Worth is carried within. No one decides how much we should carry or if we should carry any at all.
Sexual opinions, preferences, and ideas will vary across all boards, but none of it matters. As a woman who has only had one sexual partner, I no longer need to take pride in the fact, because I no longer hold my number against the standards or extremes of others. No matter the number, it will never define you unless you allow it to. Some women choose to remain virgins until marriage and some don’t. Some women keep their sexual affairs private and some don’t. Neither is right or wrong. We must do what fits our lifestyle, but if you’re a woman drinking the punch at either end of the spectrum, place it down. It’s flavorless.
Sex means what ever it needs to mean to you. You create your own rules. You’re the writer, editor, and publisher of your story. Own your sexuality and don’t allow the views of others to own it for you.
Find your sexual liberation if you haven’t already. Whether your liberation is breaking the mold you’ve been placed within or creating one of your own, it’s at the hands of a new sculptor; you.