11.10.15

Seesaw Effect

As a child, a playground was my holy ground. Scorching lava raged beneath the monkey bars and going head first down a slide was my preferred way of evacuating my spaceship during engine failure. Spring rockers, whether a horse or frog, became my noble steed as I ventured across the desert to capture violent criminals. My adventures would lead me to restless rivers and the only way across was to log roll within the rushing water. Yet, nothing was quite as memorable as the seesaw.

After finding a willing partner, we reveled in fooling gravity for seconds within time. Face to face, we moved in rhythmic motion and remained in-sync until interrupted by an echoing call for either one of us to head home. Often, it was I who remained, so I continued my rebellion. Shortly after a number of take offs, my legs would tire. Defying gravity wasn’t an easy task alone. I used less energy swinging over the lake of lava to escape a mob of rabid baboons, than I did pushing myself off the ground. The feeling of elation subsided and dissatisfaction took its place. But, I never got up despite it.

Much like a seesaw, we each experience rising and falling motions and moments throughout life, whether it be of joyous outcomes or mental turmoil.

My seesaw rides have been retired for years now, but I was reminded of its undoubted affect while coming to terms with my breakup. Once again, I was left to defy gravity alone, but this time, I was defying my own need for happiness and balance. My emotions wavered much like a restless river for months on end. I tried focusing my energy on cultivating a positive heart and mind, but not much came of my noble efforts. And even on days where euphoria seemed less of a distant galaxy, I was evacuating long before I could root myself in its healing power.

Heartbreak felt as if I were spinning uncontrollably through a barren desert. Luckily for me, I bumped into sanity after having a go with a few cacti and it was then I realized, I was costing myself more heartache to exist within the rhythm of rising and falling verses restoring balance by simply getting off and walking away.

Many of us exhibit the affects of the seesaw effect, but living through constant highs and lows of lackluster existence can end.

Get off the ride.


3 responses to “Seesaw Effect”

  1. Natasha says:

    I love the way you write, it’s so descriptive and enticing! I think the see-saw was one of my favourites as a kid, it’s just so much fun to keep that rhythm going, but I did love the swings as well – I always tried to get myself as high as I could go, and I love the way you related it to life too. I hope you’re OK after your break-up – it’s strange how something we did as kids can remind us of the highs and lows of life too. Beautifully written post! – Tasha

    • Michelle says:

      Keeping the rhythm was truly the best part!

      Thank you for your lovely comment, Tasha. I’m glad my writing evoked some bit of nostalgia for you. <3

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Kanisha Michelle

planting seeds of light in a dark world one word at a time.

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